Overdue

Post-op update, personal values, and the unexpected woes of publication

I am alive! According to the doctor, everything went perfectly. According to me, no serious complications; recovery from major surgery has been far smoother than I’d expected. I was exceedingly well-supported in the initial weeks of recuperation and that support mattered. Now – over five weeks post-op! – I take one day at a time, avoid overanalyzing the plethora of strange sensations consuming my middle, and spend a couple hours a day nuzzling an electric heating pad. I’m otherwise back to most activities of daily living, exercising a (very small) bit and hitting daily milestones – today, for instance, I grocery shopped properly for the first time since October. I made many car-to-kitchen trips, with many lightweight bags. My movement and lifting restrictions officially expire on Monday and I’ll start physical therapy a few days after.

What else do you want to know? Maybe this, which I wanted so bad to know one and six and forty-eight months ago:

I am 100% glad I did it.

Even as I manage lingering discomforts, the benefits are huge. It’s a considerable game-changer to no longer fear that my internal organs might fall out at any given moment. Surgery for the win! Now it’s the long slog of getting used to my remodeled body. I am hopeful. I am grateful for modern Western medicine, warts and all.

The slow work of healing one’s pelvic floor. Remember to breathe. Avoid alcohol. Remodeling: months to years.

Personal values

In late November, I attended a meeting at my youngest child’s elementary school. At one point, the principal prefaced her answer to a parent question by listing her core values: love, compassion, and integrity. I have known this principal for seven years and admire her profoundly. She’s led our community through significant tumult, and throughout her tenure, I have observed her lead with love, compassion, and integrity. Hearing this woman name the specific traits that I see her live out on a regular basis was powerful. Her values anchor and direct her. I want that for myself.

My children and spouse can attest to how hard I try to live a values-driven life. (And how hard I force my values down their throats!) But prior to that school meeting, I’d never bothered to specify what exactly are my core values. The juices flowed forth from there, and I have settled on these: love, equity, and encounter. Love as in the selfless, curious, vulnerable, humble, Jesus kind. Equity: a commitment to dismantling oppressive systems, even those from which I benefit, which may require giving up my own unfair share. Encounter: available everywhere, unlimited by temporal or spacial constraints. Relationship and connection and inclusion are close cousins, all of which take time and a sustained openness. In my view, encounter must be the first intentional step, whether at the checkout counter, on the bus, reading a book, lending a hand, small-talking at a party, volunteering in the lunchroom. It’s listening and seeing and opening your heart, even in the briefest of moments, to the humanity of another. (I think this old post sums up my views on encounter.)

Feel free to hold me accountable! For all my trying, the failures still pile up. I learn the hard way and try better tomorrow.

Publishing is weird

I have mentioned previously the twisty aspects of trying to publish. The parade of rejection obviously stings. The randomness is disorienting – my best pieces still have yet to be accepted, while three impromptu scribbles found homes. Three exceeds my humble 2024 goal of two, which is a nice pat on the back. But all three now seem very unfinished, lacking the rhythm I’d been going for, or replete with an embarrassing overuse of “but” and “however.” They were all edited by someone other than myself and greatly improved in the process. Now that they’re in the world though, indelible versions out of my control, I see all their flaws and want terribly to fix them or burn them. I suppose the more you write and publish, the less attached you get to any one piece. I don’t know. Perhaps time will tell?

Thank you for reading - for the encounter! Have a lovely weekend. Ours is bananas. ‘Tis the season.

xx e-nc